it's amazing how somethings in live can snowball so much that you finally feel like you're not even living your life anymore, and that somehow, everything has paused and you are the only thing still going. like when a giant hurricane is staring down your house from the gulf and you know you'll be okay but you wonder when life will ever turn to normal. especially after you return home to find that things are no where near normal. lines for food. lines for gas. lines for water, ice, streetlights, to go around limbs. always hot except for when you're in your car where you suck in the a/c as if you'd just crawled through a desert. and so strange how no one in the media picks up on how a metropolis like baton rouge, the state capital (granted, not bowl-shaped) is 98% without power and can't expect 100% for weeks.
so life pauses and you go on. even when you've stopped doing the things you love and everything you do just seems to be a struggle to survive (not life and death, just to go on). even as i write this, everything i own is in meghan's condo in storage and in my car and i am officially homeless again, sleeping in a bed that could never be called "mine." although i've been doing that for a month and a half now, it's different now that i've given up the keys to my second home and found another to crash in until tomorrow. when hopefully, life will begin again.
i'm 23 now. we have power back. work is slowing down again and going back to normal. most of the branches are cleared and piled on the side of the road, the leaves turning a papery brown as they die. the streetlights work (for the most part) and i can finally buy a taco at 12am (down perkins rd and not yet college dr). the damage is being repaired and someone is pushing play on life. and tomorrow i hope to finally move in to a place of my own. and start doing the things i love in my spare time again. start training for this marathon again. start looking for another job again and finally quit this one. start looking at graduate schools again. start cooking again.
start living again. press play.
1 comment:
Was it hard not to type with any capitals? It was hard for me to read knowing that it was you. I know it was a stream...but still I had to keep reminding myself that is was okay.
I'm glad life is returning to normal and I liked your consciousness stream. More importantly I love you!!
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