Now What? Part 4: New York

Up Early.

2011-01-03T11:14:00.001-08:00

I woke up early today (5:30am) and could absolutely not go back to sleep. I lay in bed for a while, watching tv on my computer. I wasn't getting any sleepier and I realized I could get up and go running. I haven't been running since the marathon.

So I got up and put on some warm clothes and went out and ran 4 miles! Yeah! It was so nice to be up and outside and I felt so alive. It was cold and some spots were icy and scary, but I had so much fun running around.

Yesterday I was worried about losing my job. Then God said to me, "Don't be anxious about anything." So I said okay.

Wintery Mix

2010-12-30T06:16:00.000-08:00

Winter is so quiet. After the cacophony of spring and summer, insects, children, animals, games, an unnerving kind of silence settles in. The oppressive heat is long gone and the sky opens up with a kind of clarity you don't see in any other months. The earth came between the sun's light and the moon just above the manhattan skyline.

What I'm saying is winter doesn't settle on you. You settle in it. Everyone looked so smart in their fall coats, now we all look like sand people in our puffy jackets, faces hidden from each other (or the wind).

You can take the weather for what it is or you can look at it through many lenses. I hear many people using the lens of doing battle with the elements. Me vs. the ice, snow, rain, wind. In a battle someone has to lose. I'm looking at this weather with the lens of a child. Let's play! No one loses! Everyone wins!

I ran up and down my street, spinning, sinking, in the snow. Everything was wet - my hat, my boots, my legs, my gloves. But I was just so happy. I had to give the snow one final hug. We're going to have a great winter together.

2010-12-22T20:23:00.001-08:00

"When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. And when you stop expecting material possessions to complete you, you'd be surprised how much pleasure you get out of material possessions. And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubles, you'd be surprised how much you like spending time with God. "

Decorating

2010-12-14T12:54:00.001-08:00

Today while my clothes were down the street in the wash, I made these things for my wall and hung them up.

They are pieces of fabric I had put on canvasses I bought at an art store. I like them a lot!

Off on Saturday

2010-12-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

Here we are. Another Saturday and I'm off work. I'm working on a post about the marathon, and it's almost been a month since I ran the streets of New York City. It's hard to put it all into words though. But I think I'll just swallow it soon and say what I need to say. It's 34 outside and I'm layering up for a day outside. I want to get some things for my apartment. And some things for me.

I just don't know what to write anymore. I'm getting by. I'm making plans for every day (or trying to at least) and trying to look forward to different things. Looking forward. I keep looking back instead though!

The past has passed. Goodbye.

At last!

2010-10-28T20:13:00.001-07:00

This was written last week:

Moved in to the new apt today. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor since my bed frame is in pieces everywhere. More to come soon!!

Oh and fall!

This taken right outside the train station on my way to work in the morning. I can't help myself from noticing and commenting on every tree that is not green!

Falling.

2010-10-04T13:28:00.000-07:00

There's something about the first 53 degree weather day that makes you think about fall (and inevitably, winter). Being outside today makes me think that I have some idea of what the coming months will bring. Just replace the rain with snow, drop the temperature 30 degrees and throw a huge coat on me - voila! Winter! I can't resist the urge to stay in bed reading a book until 2:30 pm. Especially when the gusts and sprinkles finally drive me to shut the window all the way and snuggle up in a blanket. I haven't seen the sun today. It could be 10am or 6pm outside. I did manage to pry myself out of bed, however, and went on a run in central park - something that might not happen come winter (and the end of marathon training). I might not like running anymore, but I do enjoy taking a long, warm shower after a cool run.

Central Park makes me want to be in the wilderness. The actual wilderness, not the man-made serenity the 843 acres of park afford me in my retreat from the concrete jungle of the city. I still hear sirens. I still get impossibly lost - something which should be impossible given that you can pretty much always see the buildings of downtown in the distance. Winding pathways and bridle paths and bike paths and car paths make it impossible to move in a straight line and the shortest way to get out is often the way you came. This tree looks like that other tree except that one over there who's leaves are changing.

Ah. Fall.

The City

2010-09-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

This should go without saying. Especially in light of the timeframe between now and my (not so) recent posts.

Life in New York moves quickly.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about why. When you feel like you blink and your entire day is over, it's hard not to panic and start to lose your mind. There are a lot of crazy people here.

But when I want to go somewhere, it is not up to me the timing of my arrival. It is also not up to me if I will be sitting for the journey and in what condition I will arrive (wet, dry, sweaty, covered in water sprayed on me from a truck hitting a puddle, etc). Here's an example: today I was late to work because I missed my train because I needed to get a new MetroCard and was stuck behind someone else in line who needed a card but also needed help buying her own card so I had to walk her through the various screens. She makes it on the next train. I miss mine because I type in my zipcode for my card wrong. I have to start over, the train whizzes by the station. I lean against the wall and eat my donut/coffee - which I totally had time to get, by the way.

The city dictates the pace your life goes in. If the trains are running slow, the trains are running slow and there's nothing you can do about it. You can run and push people and mutter under your breath as you dodge across the street, nearly being hit by a car, but you're not going to get there any faster.

There is also no going-directly-to-a-certain-place here. Back home, I would get in my car, drive somewhere, park and be there. Here I have to walk to a station, down stairs, ride in a car, up stairs, and walk. It's indirect. The city may be grid-like in its design but there are no straight lines.

It is this exact indirectness that makes life move quickly. Before you know it you spent all day getting somewhere, or being somewhere. In transit you cannot plan to meet up with anyone. Everything is on a lengthened timeframe. And that makes life go by quickly.

Now it's got to be my new focus just to move with the city. Sway with the car. Walk in the direction of traffic flow. Figure out what it means to have things moving so quickly, now that I can understand the reason (because people always told me life was fast here - but what does that mean?) I can try to make my life work around it.

And not get caught up in the rush.

2010-09-12T20:46:00.001-07:00

I missed you today.

Sunday at the beach!

2010-08-29T20:37:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, Abby and I took a bike ride to Rockaway beach - or really a more deserted beach near Rockaway. We rode bikes about 12 miles to the beach and back. Halfway there I got dizzy and saw spots in my vision because I hadn't eaten anything. 12 miles is farther than I thought!!

Here is the beach with it's rocks and sea gulls - very un-gulf like. Also it was freezing. How Atlantic.

Only a few more weeks of summertime weather before I need new shoes, old clothes, and some sort of fall jacket. They're very in to fall here.

Another amazing Saturday

2010-08-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Today I slept in a bit then Abby and I went to the farmer's market in Brooklyn. We got this incredible chocolate milk that is served in a glass container. People bring back their containers week to week to get refunds, and refills of the fresh milk. So quaint! We proceeded to buy the ingredients to make an "end of summer" meal since both of us will be gone next weekend and she'll be gone for a lot of September. I think fall will be upon us before we know it!

For our end of summer meal (all ingredients purchased this morning from local farmers):

Fresh bread
Gazpacho (pureed tomatoes, onions, cucumber, bell pepper, basil, and garlic)
Zucchini and Squash sauteed with onions and butter
Mashed potatoes
Corn on the cob
Pear and blue cheese roasted in the oven

And of course, two bottles of red wine. And fresh flowers on the table.

Ahh! Beautiful!

Tomorrow - bike ride to the BEACH!!!

Mystery

2010-08-25T09:49:00.001-07:00

Someone from the Vicksburg area code called me three times yesterday afternoon (I missed all three but I would have picked up). They left a voicemail which sounds something like a Radiohead song, but I can't be too sure.

Slammed with more bad dreams and feeling a little sick - probably won't be too adventurous today.

Living it up

2010-08-21T16:14:00.001-07:00

So things have been going well. I went on an 8 mile run today in the park near where I'm staying - Prospect Park. I must say that I conquered it well although towards the end my "run" looked more like some lady's "walking the dog." Whatevs. She didn't walk her dog for 8 miles. So this is the tunnel that my phone conversations keep cutting out on (MawMaw):

And this is a shot of the park from where I sat and read my book for an afternoon:

The last two days have been much more laid-back and I've spent more time with my friend, Abby. Today we went to the farmer's market here in Brooklyn, then to the restaurant where her roommate works, The Farm:

(View of the side of the building from outside on the patio where we were sitting. Yes people lived in this building - and the others around it - and yes it would be incredible to have this to look at out your window). After a 3pm "brunch," we headed over to the Brooklyn Flea Market - filled with all the second hand items your average hipster would drool over: vintage glasses, hangbags, and wall hangings. And records.

We have tentative plans to head out to the city tonight and hang out - sort of low-key for a Saturday night. But we've had a low-key weekend since last night was spent drinking beer on the roof and watching the planes circle in to LGA (or JFK, who knows?). Beach tomorrow?? Maybe?? Hopefully at least a bike ride through Brooklyn.

Loving life a little bit. For now.

Woe is me

2010-08-19T12:23:00.001-07:00

Every shoe that I brought here is giving me blisters. Stupid walking everywhere...

Day 2 in the City

2010-08-18T16:49:00.001-07:00

Today my only plan was to stop by my friend's cafe and drop off a resume. I wandered around the area a bit (the Village) which is one of my favorite spots in Manhattan. I made it to a Peanut Butter & Jelly place I really like. So here was my lunch:

That's a grilled PB, honey, and banana sandwich, carrot sticks, and chips. And a cup of milk, of course. After that I realized I was near Union Square, another favorite place, and I headed that was to meet my friend Katie. They were having a large farmer's market and I bought a couple peaches and some veggies. Maybe I'll make something to eat tomorrow. On the way to Union Square, I walked through Washington Square Park, yet another favorite park of mine.

There it is with the archway and fountain. All in all a good day and tomorrow I think I'll do more wandering - with my unlimited Metro card - and end up in Central Park?

NYC - finally

2010-08-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

On my second train of the day, I sat with my giant duffel bag on my lap, the other one between my legs and my booksack resting on the seat against me. A tourist threw a piece of garbage out of the subway door and onto the tracks. A New Yorker across from me appeared ready to kill him.

Welcome to NYC!

I took a wrong turn out of the subway and walked eight extra blocks with said bags in tow. But I made it and will soon venture out for my job interview. Then meeting friends for dinner laters??

Big first day in the city.

Progress Report

2010-08-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

I ran 6 miles earlier this week and the fact that it didn't seem like a big deal is a pretty freaking big deal to me. Miles 3 and 4 were rough and I kept thinking I had gone further than I thought, but when it was all over I felt like I could keep going which is a good place to be. Tennessee has been laden with hills and that probably presented the greatest challenge, but I ran them well and my legs burned in thanks.

Tomorrow I fly into New York City on my one-way ticket. I have a lot of anxiety about this but am trying to deal with it the best way I can. Earlier I dealt with it by packing, now I am writing a blog post about it (and frantically trying to email my hostess, Abby). Later I will probably call Paolo and write down everything he tells me to do, from what bus to take to what stop to get off and how much money to have.

Plus I will be navigating all of this with three medium sized bags. No fun, I say.

But after that I will be in my new temporary residence and then I will be off to my first job interview. Navigating the subway a second time, I will have to get to SOHO and interview for a management position at a bakery. Hopefully the job is what I wanted and I will not have to look again for some time. And I can start making money again and begin to look for a place to live. Although I keep thinking I will try the city out, I don't know if I can try it out without staying for longer than a few months.

Roommate, anyone?

Dreams

2010-08-09T20:15:00.001-07:00

I dreamt about my family last night. I dreamt that we were at my grandfather's house and that they had decided to fill the pool with water again to preserve it. Asher was walking and he walked right in to the pool while we were sitting outside. I walked right in after him, pulled him out and held him close to me until he was breathing again. My aunt needed to leave and my grandmother was going with her to clean her house. My parents and my sister and I were leaving also to go back home. We would all be leaving PawPaw at home while we went to do other things. He was upset Asher had fallen in the pool. I heard him crying. I did not want to leave him alone.

It was weird to see him, so real, in a dream.

I said goodbye

2010-08-02T16:44:00.000-07:00

I said goodbye to you today. I went through old photos. Old boyfriends. Old friends. Old places. I threw most of them out. I piled all of my things in the living room in front of the fire place. I should apologize for spending most of our last day together watching tv, but I've never been good at goodbyes. My old room? Haven't slept there in forever. So I spent my last night in the guest room - I've been a guest in that room for a while. We used to have parties. We used to swim, run, lay out, and play. It's been a while since we did all of those things. But I'll miss my house.

I said goodbye to you today. You weren't there. I came to the place I last saw you and the last place you would rest. I sat at your feet and rubbed my hand across your name. My name. I listened. It is so quiet here! You've got a nice place to stay, I guess. The only sound heard is the breeze blowing through the flowers left here, the memorials. Flags fluttered. Birds chirped. And I could hear the echo of your voice. I could hear the echo of my tears. I asked if you were proud of me. You didn't answer. I told you that I just wanted to be like you. I told you what I was thinking of doing and that I didn't know what I was thinking of doing. I told you I was going to take a trip like you. I was going to lead like you. I thanked you for the things we could not talk about when I last saw you. I wish I could remember our last conversation, but I'll remember this one for a while. I'll miss you because you're gone but I'll miss you because I'll be gone, too.

I do

2010-07-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

Remember when we rode bikes to get spearmint snocones with vanilla ice cream. With bubble gum stuck in them.

Remember when you sat outside with me so that I could swim. You would say a category and I would jump into the pool, naming the item.

Remember the time you brought ducks to my show and tell.

Remember when we went to Ship Island and saw dolphins.

Remember playing on the computer with me. Reader Rabbit was the best.

Remember going outside to play with chickens, ducks, Sugar, rabbits, pigeons, goats, etc.

Remember when snakes would be on TV and you would yell because you hated snakes.

Remember your riding mower. Fast like a rabbit. Slow like a tortoise.

Remember watching movies with me.

Remember hiding Easter Eggs in the house (or outside). We had all our favorite places to hide (like the fishmouth).

I remember your swing. And watching for lightning bugs in the summer. Singing "Swing Low."

Swing Low. Sweet Chariot. Coming forth to carry me home.

One or None

2010-07-25T09:35:00.001-07:00

It only takes one moment. One word. One doubt. One last breath. To change everything.

Six more days till the rest of my life. With no home, no work, no plans, I stand with ideas flowing, poised to decide. One day I'll look back on this and remember this moment. Standing on the edge of everything, I would most like to pitch a tent and stayawhile.

Visiting my home I see my childhood and adolescence spread around like the innards of a loved one. That picture. Those notes. These toys. Stuff them into boxes. Wrap them in bubbles. Ship them to God's country. I'll rifle through them again at a more inappropriate time. My room holds a bowflex. My bathroom is the guest bathroom. I sleep in the guestroom.

Options:
Home
New Home
Old Home
Texas
Other

For now I'll sit in my tent and choose (f) none of the above.

how he loves us

2009-08-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

he is jealous for me

loves like a hurricane i am a tree
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
when all of a sudden i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me
oh how he loves us
how he loves us
yeah he loves us
oh how he loves us
oh how he loves
and we are his portion and he is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
if his grace is an ocean we're all sinking
and heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
i don't have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way
oh how he loves us
yeah he loves us
oh how he loves us
oh how he loves us
how he loves

official

2009-07-22T14:34:00.001-07:00

I signed an offer document today. everything goes into effect on august 1 and i move to my new store!! after thinking things would be pushed back to october, and becoming slightly lazy about it, the speed of the game is about to kick up 300% and my world will be rocked.

can't wait!!

low-energy output

2009-07-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

i'm too tired to go and get protein bars.

Idol Worship Examined

2009-06-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

in listening to mark driscoll's sermon series entitled "doctrine: what christians should believe" i heard some cool stuff in sermon 11 on worship that i thought sharing on a blog would be appropriate.

main theme: we are all made to worship. we either worship the creator, or the creation.

here is mark's list of questions made to force you to dig up your own idols. i would post my answers, but i think God and i should discuss those first. i post these so that you can answer them on your own.

Discovering our Idols:
EXTERNAL:
Who/What is the lord that rules over your life?
Who is the judge you are seeking approval from?
Where do you give your first fruits?
What do you plan/pray for?

INTERNAL:
What false beliefs do you hold about God?
What Scriptures do you deeply doubt or disbelieve?
Who/What do you treasure/long for the most?

MEDIATION:
Who/What mediates between you and God?
Who/What other than Jesus do you use to get close to God?
Who/What if taken from your life would cause you not to walk faithfully with God?

HEAVEN:
Where is your functional heaven?
When daydreaming about escaping this life, what does your functional heaven look like and how is it different from real heaven?
On earth, where do you run for your safety or comfort as your hiding place?

SAVIOR:
Who/What is your functional savior?
What good thing has become a God thing? (overelevating something)
What things, instead of being a means of worship, are objects of worship?
What idols am I selling to others?

these were difficult, but i hope they bring you closer to God. for the whole sermon visit this link.

buy one get two free.

2009-06-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

manager's log. friday june 26.

3:00 pm: a regular customer (mean and scary chef lady) asks me if i'll "freak out" if she eats her sandwich in the lobby. i laugh then say that she really can't since we don't allow outside food & drinks inside. she is clearly pissed. she sits in lobby with her chef friend and they talk for an hour or so.

3:45 pm: an elderly couple comes in the store. the man buys a cafe au lait and the woman says that she'll share with him. while i'm sweeping near them, he asks me if we have ice cream. i reply, no but we do have some frozen coffee beverages that are similar.

3:50 pm: elderly man returns from ice cream shop down the block. man and woman dip ice cream into cafe au lait.

3:52 pm:

Me: hey, i'm really sorry but we don't allow outside food or drinks in the store.
Woman: but i just wanted to dip my icecream in my coffee!
Man: is it okay if we're having it with our coffee?
Me: not really. we ask everyone not to bring in outside food. you're welcome to sit on the patio and come back inside when you're done.
Woman: well that's not good business.
Man: let's go.
Woman: you're not being very nice. we just wanted to enjoy our coffee. tell your manager you should really allow people to bring their own stuff inside.
Me: actually, i'm the manager. i just want to be fair to everyone.
Man: well you're hurting your business.
Woman: yeah, if people could bring their own sandwiches in and sit you would have a lot more customers. this is just rude.
Me: (we sell sandwiches...) i'm sorry you feel that way. hope to see you again soon.

3:55 pm: woman chef makes snide comment about me to elderly couple on their way out.

4:15 pm: homeless man comes in with no shoes. uses bathroom.

4:20 pm: homeless man sits outside.

4:25 pm: homeless man solicits customers coming in the store for money.

4:26 pm: i ask homeless man to leave, explaining that he cannot sit on our patio if he is going to be soliciting our customers for money.

4:27 pm: he leaves.

hmph.

danielle's official hummus recepie

2009-06-24T17:40:00.001-07:00

guaranteed to yum. official measurements:

one can garbanzo/chick peas.
half a thing of marinated artichoke quarters.
some olive oil.
some lemon juice.
some parsley and basil.
lots of freshly ground pepper and salt.
a tad of red curry (for added flavor).

blend in a food processor. eat with tasty crackers. or a spoon.

off topic/ on jesus camp

2009-06-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

musings on the documentary (compiled while watching):

- the woman who is leading the camp is a pentecostal and encourages them to speak in tongues. speaking in tongues kind of creeps me out, although i'm not actually certain about the biblical basis (or non) of such a thing. either way, it's creepy.

- she also uses a baby/grown tiger as a metaphor for sin. looking in the kids' eyes, i can see they are totally scared of sin. we shouldn't fear sin. the lord does not send a spirit of fear! we should be disgusted by it, cautious of it, but not fearful of it. mostly, we should be set free from it.

- i can't say anything about the harry potter part.

- the most disturbing part so far was the part where she declared, after comparing her camp to the ones used to train children to suicide bomb when they are teenagers: "i want these children to go forth with as much passion as the children of palestine, pakistan, and the middle east."

really i should have seen it coming but the whole thing culminates in a pro-life/right wing political message. i'm sort of disappointed in myself for not looking for it, but i thought the documentary AND the camp would not be so blatantly agenda-pushing.

mostly i notice nothing mentioned about loving others.

in the last ten minutes, the leader of the camp calls in to a radio show led by a christian who doesn't agree with the political message she's pushing. he declares, rightly so, when she defends the indoctrination of children, "God gave us a brain. God gave us the right to choose. Learning is a part of that choice."

have you seen this movie? what did you think? i'm just curious now...

big boss man/little boss woman

2009-06-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

today the owner of the company stopped by. he was just in the neighborhood with his buddy, wanted to get a drink. while he was waiting for his beverage he told me how nice the store looked and how he appreciated my furniture re-arrangements i had done.

bitchin'. :)

also! i'm doing two interviews tomorrow. these will be my third and fourth "cold" interview. as in first one, not me doing a second on someone. i'm looking up tips online right now. it's surprisingly difficult to find tips for the actual interviewer instead of the interviewee.

here are some tips i'm reading right now:

1. small talk to make them comfortable: i find this extremely amusing because i find small talk very UNcomfortable.
2. get a picture of past performance: well that's pretty much like all of the interview questions cc's wants me to ask.
3. find out how they feel about the job: i'm good at this part. no sugar-coating here. if you are incapable of saying "would you like a blueberry muffin to go with that?" you may leave the room at this point.
4. ask a random question: ascertaining personality i suppose. i don't know how i feel about this particular one.
5. ask THEM a question about the company: i like this one. instead of the hum-drum "any questions?" asking them "so what do you think about this store in comparison to the others in baton rouge?" may help me understand them a bit.

mainly i want them a. not to be an idiot and b. to be able to follow directions.
two basic parts of my job.

tomorrow i'm testing out a new way to do the end of the year inventory (which is actually next week). me and only one other manager are doing it, of course she actually knows what she is doing and i'm just following directions. but hey, it's something i'm pretty good at.

the terminator vs jesus

2009-06-11T18:47:00.000-07:00

i had to fire someone today. it was very arnold schwarzenegger. it didn't feel very jesus-like. would jesus fire someone? every day i wonder if my job is making it harder for me to be a christian or if it's just me. she cried once she stopped trying to talk her way out of it and realized that wasn't going to work. we thanked her for her work and wished her the best of luck at her new job. i cried after she left. it wasn't very manager of me, but it was very me of me.

so i guess i'm okay with that one part.

the best part of my day may have actually been that cry there in my back office, in front of my boss. i think part of me was just really glad that i felt bad about it. like there was still something compassionate inside of me, even if what i had just done wasn't very much so. the other best part of my day was when i was biking home at twilight and a group of black teenagers (dudes) started to break out into song:

I know you want to leave me, but I refuse to let you go.
If I have to beg and plead for your sympathy, I don't mind, cause you mean that much to me.

perfect.

Sticky Ideas

2009-05-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this book called Made to Stick about how to get your ideas across to an audience and have them care about them and remember them. Some of the principles for sticky ideas the book stresses are:

1. Keeping it simple - not dumbing the idea down, but breaking it down to it's core
2. Being unexpected - breaking memory schemas
3. Being emotional - make people care about the idea
4. Being concrete - something tangible or measurable

The book goes through all kinds of examples from the Subway Jarod campaign to the "Don't Mess with Texas" litter campaign. I've also spent most of this time thinking of how I can apply this to my job.

Sales in the store have tanked due in part to the summer. But as I see my bonus slipping out the window, I refuse to lay down and die. We tried having to-go menus for the panini sandwiches but that didn't really work. I'm trying to get us some comfy couches to make the lobby more appealing but who knows how long that will take (or how much it will cost). Now I'm finding that maybe the problem is more personel based : getting everyone on the same page.

Why I come to work in the morning may be different from why Joe Barista comes to work in the morning. But we should be working toward the same thing, right? If my goal is something tangible like to increase sales to a certain amount per week and reduce costs to a certain percentage, why should they care about those goals? These are intangible and take a lot of time to look at and learn about. Can we find something they can get on board with that will bring them to my personal goals for the store?

I'm thinking of something involving tips. Most people that work for me are motivated only by money (the only person who is an exception is being tagged for management and scooped out from under me). So if our store's goal is to make say $3.00 an hour in Tips, that makes everything fall into place...

Now to pitch the idea and make it stick...?

in a new place

2009-04-19T18:26:00.001-07:00

I've finally moved into my new store and tonight the manager told everyone that he would be leaving and I would be taking over. I saw a few faces fall, but i feel confident in the fact that those who are left (after the "purging") can become my people. will work for me. will do the things that I ask them to.

Now i need to deal with my own issues of leadership. like the conflict between wanting everyone to like me, but needing them to follow certain standards. and holding them accountable to those standards. I think we can get to the point that we have mutual respect which leads me to handle situation with compassion but with a stern hand that says "i know you can do better, and i know you will." but i think we won't get to that point until we get that mutual respect.

the road to respect:
1. i work with everyone. there are only 6 employees. i work with all of them every week.
2. i work every shift (except for sunday!) i close and i open. i work on the register and on the bar. i know how it feels to work in every position every day.
3. i'm honest about my expectations. they are clearly posted and communicated. i'm also honest about my expectations for myself. when i don't do something properly, i say so, and i admit to my own problems.
4. i understand my employees' motivations. i know not everyone is working at a coffee shop in order to be a manager, and that's cool. if they're working for money, i help them make more. if they're looking for some other kind of fullfillment, i help them find it.

well this is as far as i've gotten as of today. we have a lot of events going on that we will be working down town and a lot of opportunities for growth. i hope everyone that works for me can feel like they have a stake in the success of our store, even if they are only there for a while.

i will be a revolutionary leader. things will be better when i leave the store, and the changes i make for the better will stay after i'm gone.

i will be a servant leader. i will help those who work for me enjoy their time and get the most out of their job.

mostly i'll be the best i can be.

Name change

2009-03-04T21:04:00.001-08:00

I changed the name of the blog. I'm working on the marathon, kind of. Really right now I'm just working on running at regular intervals. I also want to be able to talk about what else I'm doing right now...

So: the transition from student/part time work to full time work.

Last night I had a fun encounter with a friend at Highland Coffees. Paolo and I were there, me reading my book (David Sedaris - Dress your family in courdory and denim) and Paolo studying for midterms. Ah the pleasures of being a graduate. A friend of ours came up, also with just a novel to read, and we had the following exchange:

Danielle: Hey, nice book there!
Friend: Yeah I'm just hanging out and reading a bit before I go home.
Danielle: (waves book in the air) Me too! I watched a movie today, what did you do?
Friend: Just hanging out.
Danielle: I'm just interested in the lives of other people who have graduated and just have regular jobs now... Like this is what its like for me every day. Movie. Book. Movie. Book.
Friend: Yeah me too. It's the best!
Paolo: Shut up.

Speaking of books! I've found an awesome website for turning books/DVDs/CDs you have lying around collecting dust into books/DVDs/CDs you actually want. Spending only about $3 to ship! www.swaptree.com allows you to list books and stuff you have that you want to trade and when you list them, it shows you a list of things you can get for those items (based on things other people want/have to trade). Bartering meets the internet and I'm so excited about my trades! The best part is that if you end up with a book you actually want to keep, you can keep it! And you got it for cheap and got rid of something you didn't really want! This is also super exciting since Baton Rouge has no used bookstore that I have found (please prove me wrong with a comment).

I can't wait for March Madness.

Next post, I promise to actually say something about my job.

2009-02-26T14:41:00.000-08:00

I would like to "give up" 15 pounds for Lent.

I'm on a written budget.

I go to two churches on Sundays.

stagnation

2008-12-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

I haven't been running. I haven't been going to church. I've been missing CG (and some good friends). I've been spending too much time just working and hanging out.

It's frustrating. I can't even get a good book to read to occupy me.

A few weeks ago I went to get a flu shot and saw my new weight and I may have gained 20 pounds this semester. I hate not being in school. I am on my way to being a manager though and when my pay goes up I'll be able to work on my debt more . . .

This is a complainy post. Today I bought a nice nike shirt to run in for the winter (it's long-sleeved). And paolo's leaving and it makes me sad but a little okay because I'll be able to focus on trying to get into other things again. I'm considering joining the rec. in the spring and taking some random classes for exercise. And just running to lose the weight before I get back on track for the marathon.

Graduating sucks. Don't do it. I am a sloth.

Election tomorrow!

2008-11-03T07:24:00.000-08:00

I fixed my bike and i want to ride it to work every day that i can (and with nifty light attachments that may be more often than I think).

Decorated the store for the holidays last night. It's just so early!

I'm excited about going to Ohio for Thanksgiving but I'll miss Paolo and spending the holidays with him is always so fun. There's always Christmas in New York which has become my favorite time/place of the year. It's just so cheezy and special that I can't help it. And the particulars are the best: that weird sweet bread Georgina buys, extra cold outside, crazy hot inside, macy's, and the pizza, and even the subway.

Missing Florida sometimes. Missing New York others. Missing speaking French. Missing Jackie, Anna, Misha, and others. Missing something intangible. Missing home. Missing...

I want to move away! I want to bring you with me!

My new place!

2008-09-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

I did shove some boxes in the closet to take these pictures... but there are only three left to unpack!

This first picture is of everything I own in one pile in my old apt.

My kitchen is clearly an add-on.. note the exposed brick and window.

I just hung these tapestries today to cover the two doors that I can't use (one into the house one into a closet). I love them!

My bed and my sitting area. I'm looking for a second chair to sit there on the left and complete the tv watching area.

My bathroom area. I have a long counter and lots of drawers and storage.

I'm working a lot and interviewing for a job. Running occasionally and mostly missing my bike (borrowed by Paolo, now in the shop for some repairs).

stream of consciousness. soundtrack: all of a sudden, i miss everyone

2008-09-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

it's amazing how somethings in live can snowball so much that you finally feel like you're not even living your life anymore, and that somehow, everything has paused and you are the only thing still going. like when a giant hurricane is staring down your house from the gulf and you know you'll be okay but you wonder when life will ever turn to normal. especially after you return home to find that things are no where near normal. lines for food. lines for gas. lines for water, ice, streetlights, to go around limbs. always hot except for when you're in your car where you suck in the a/c as if you'd just crawled through a desert. and so strange how no one in the media picks up on how a metropolis like baton rouge, the state capital (granted, not bowl-shaped) is 98% without power and can't expect 100% for weeks.

so life pauses and you go on. even when you've stopped doing the things you love and everything you do just seems to be a struggle to survive (not life and death, just to go on). even as i write this, everything i own is in meghan's condo in storage and in my car and i am officially homeless again, sleeping in a bed that could never be called "mine." although i've been doing that for a month and a half now, it's different now that i've given up the keys to my second home and found another to crash in until tomorrow. when hopefully, life will begin again.

i'm 23 now. we have power back. work is slowing down again and going back to normal. most of the branches are cleared and piled on the side of the road, the leaves turning a papery brown as they die. the streetlights work (for the most part) and i can finally buy a taco at 12am (down perkins rd and not yet college dr). the damage is being repaired and someone is pushing play on life. and tomorrow i hope to finally move in to a place of my own. and start doing the things i love in my spare time again. start training for this marathon again. start looking for another job again and finally quit this one. start looking at graduate schools again. start cooking again.

start living again. press play.

So Many Choices!

2008-08-05T11:48:00.001-07:00

So I've finally found a site that lists marathons all over the country by date. I want to pick one and sign up soon so I have an answer to the question "When are you running a marathon?" and also a bit more motivation of an actual date on a calendar!

Now I want some help picking one out!

Remember, I'm going for December/January at the latest... Although the Mardi Gras one on New Orleans is on the first of February and would be cool...

I also want something that at least someone can come see me run in!

Back on Track

2008-08-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Okay so this week I started running again! Woohoo! I've stopped counting the miles I run and instead am focusing on time spent running. The reasoning behind this is:

1. When you count miles, you can become "mile obsessed" meaning you're just proud of yourself for the distance when really you should remember the big picture (and always be adding on mileage).

2. In about 5 months I'll need to be running for 26.2 miles AND/OR 4 hours. Either way, I've got a long way to go. Clocking miles or minutes at this point doesn't really make a difference.

3. I've started running at LSU and on the levee also, and those distances aren't really measured like the lakes are. So measuring all runs in the same way keeps me honest.

Yesterday I also bought some running socks. I want to add them to my amazon wish list because they are 10 bucks a pair but I could see how they could come in handy (they wick away moisture from your feet, keeping them drier and therefore happier). I also will be adding some more running "gear" like tops that stay dry or hats or things that I don't actually need but would like to have. Oh and some long sleeve tops for the winter. I could get by on t-shirts forever, but it would be cool to have some nicer stuff.

Meanwhile, the running is going well. I figure if I can keep trucking through August in Louisiana, I can run anywhere!

Time run this week: 2 hours 40 minutes.

Paused

2008-07-24T08:10:00.001-07:00

It's been a long while since I last posted. I think part of it is because I am embarrassed that my marathon training has taken a backseat to life happening. I haven't quit and I still want to run a marathon in the next year, but right now I have a lot on my mind.

I have to move out at the end of the month and I have no where to live - being the first thing on my mind. I have a lot of numbers to call but not having a job lined up and no idea what kind of money I'll be making in the next few months is making the search difficult.

Getting a job is also weighing heavily on my mind. CC's can't hold me much longer, with no promotion and being turned down for at least two higher positions, I no longer feel like I can go anywhere with the company and definitely feel like I have no future with them. It's a shame, really, because I wanted to go further with them, they are just missing out. I had a big job interview today and it went well and I'll find out in a couple of weeks whether I got the position or not.

All of this topped with the grappling questions of life, independence, and growing up, have forced me to put my training on a pause. I am planning on joining a church here which is really exciting and I can't wait to get involved in the local ministry. In general, I am excited about what God has planned for my future and I am patiently waiting for him to reveal it to me (hopefully one thing at a time so that my brain can take it all in).

Ouch.

2008-06-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have shin splints again. I had them when I ran track and had to get insoles for my shoes. I just bought these new shoes but perhaps because I've increased my exercise activity in the last few weeks, they are coming back anyway.

read about them here.

Only 6 and a half miles run this week and I may have to scale it back. :(

New Shoes Yeah!

2008-06-23T16:24:00.001-07:00

Today I was having lunch with my aunt and she slipped me a graduation present of a load of cash! Awesome! Now I don't have to save up to buy my shoes and can stop killing my feet with these old ones I have. Seriously though, I haven't bought new running shoes in six years so I'm pretty sure I was overdue for a new pair.

I ran today for a new long distance of a modest 3.2 miles. We did the short 1.7 loop twice and walked a good bit (so maybe it was actually more like 3 miles). Either way, it is an improvement. I also talked to the girl at the shoe store a lot about marathons - she ran her first this last year - and it got me really excited. I also learned that I have a normal arch in my foot (thanks mom and dad) and don't need too much extra support in my shoe.

I would say today was reality check number one about how hard this will actually be and I will stop counting at one. I'm giving myself until December and I think as long as I keep track of what I'm doing I will stay on track. I also need you reader(s) to keep me honest. If I haven't posted in a while ask me how the training is going. Part of having a blog is, for me, to have accountability and if I'm trying to tell a lot of people about this to keep myself going.

Still going strong!

New Shoes:

I might miss those starry shoe laces though..

Week One

2008-06-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

Sometime in the last few days I decided to run a marathon. I could think of no good reason not to - the only actual reason not to being laziness - and have been running every day for the last week.

For those who may be unaware: a marathon is 26.22 miles. It is named for a famous Greek soldier who ran from the Battle of Marathon to Athens to relay news about the army's victory. As the legend goes (or at least how my 6th grade teacher put it) he died upon reaching Athens, only muttering the word "Nike" which means victory. Look it up on Wikipedia if you want to know more...

I guess I decided to do this to have something to focus on for the next few months. I think it will be a good goal and I know it will be an awesome accomplishment I won't forget. I would like to run a famous marathon, but more on that later.

This week I ran only at the Baton Rouge lakes. The loop around the first being 4.2 miles; around the second 1.7. I want to be able to run the second twice before I move to the first (or both really, which is the ultimate goal). Once I've conquered this area I think I'll be moving on to another area; although, I think I will ultimately get bored with these lakes and have a more varied schedule in general.

So I looked up some famous marathons. And I would be trained in time to do the Chicago Marathon which would be amazing! But I looked it up and it is already full. Looks like I'll have to sign up for this way in advance and since I want to stay on track and hopefully complete this mission by the end of the year, this puts me in the position of having to find somewhere else to run.

I found a helpful site that listed all the marathons being held around the world all the time (and stressed that there are many to choose from - we shouldn't be bogged down by the famous ones) but I can't find it right now..

Now I'm just saving up for some new shoes...

Miles run this week: 8.3
Miles biked: 9
Next week's Goal: 10 miles.